


Always With You

by quinnovative



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 2x19, Angst, Big Sister Alex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I don't have time to properly tag this right now, Lena will probably be important in this, Nightmare, PTSD, Panic Attack, Sanvers - Freeform, big sister Maggie, lena is making appearances, little sister kara, no mon-el, okay i love lena, supercorp might become a thing, they love each other sooooo much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-10-27 05:13:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10802457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quinnovative/pseuds/quinnovative
Summary: Tag to 2x19. In the aftermath of everything that happened, Maggie and Alex find comfort in each other.(now expanded to include Kara and Lena in the aftermath)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE AN EXAM EARLY TOMORROW MORNING I SHOULD NOT BE DOING THIS (IT'S PARTIALLY A WRITING EXAM, SO MAYBE THIS COUNTS AS PRACTICE?).
> 
> yeah, so I wrote this really quickly (sorry) but I watched 2x19 and couldn't get this out of my head.
> 
> So, Tag to 2x19 and all its beauty.
> 
> If you want to talk about that episode message me on twitter ( powertodanvers) and we can talk about how awesome Alex and Maggie are (and Kara and Lena).

Her head slinks against the window of Maggie’s car, one knee pulled up toward her chest while the other leg stretches in front of her. Alex sneaks glances at Maggie—every stop sign, red light, and flickering streetlamp and her head is turning, lifting just barely off the side of the car. It’s an effort to keep herself from staring, and it’s failing miserably.

With a sigh, Alex raises her head and shifts, rotating so she’s facing Maggie and both legs are curled toward her stomach, arms hung loosely around her shins. And Alex lets the side of her head fall onto the seat, so her hair is mused and her eyelids droop as she gives in to the tightness in her chest and looks at Maggie as she takes them home.

The vibrations from the street carry up the tires, through the seat, and rattle Alex’s ribs. The moon hangs low in the darkened sky and just barely on the threshold of her vision, a star shines something of the constellations she used to watch with Jerimiah and Kara. She still feels the warmth of Kara’s arms, from the full two minutes of hugging the youngest Danvers had insisted on, before finally letting Alex go, and Alex swears there were tears brimming in Kara’s eyes, tears that Alex felt inside her, beneath her skin, in every crevice of her bone.

But when she looks over—when she looks over right now, under dim streetlights and the static hum of the silent radio and the nauseating residual grasps of near-death, Maggie is there.

Maggie is there and her fingers are firmly curled around the steering wheel, her breath an easy tattoo, eyes soft under moonlight despite the adrenaline still sifting out of her system.

She eases onto the brakes at a red light, looks over at Alex and her unwavering gaze. Maggie tosses a smile in her direction and Alex catches the warmth, feels it manifest in the loosening of tightness and aching in her chest.

“Alex,” Maggie says, leaves it like that so the agent’s name hangs in the air; like those phonemes alone say enough. Maggie’s breath stutters over the rhythm, her eyes are shiny, her smile trembles on her bottom lip.

A hand slips from that death grip on the steering wheel, curls itself around Alex’s. Maggie’s thumb outlines the metacarpal bones strung through Alex’s hand. They are firm and tangible and the skin is warm, skeletal muscle and blood still working, neurons still firing, lungs still filling, heart still pumping; the tremble disappears.

/

“Alex, babe, come to bed with me. You’re half asleep,” Maggie whispers and the clock below the TV glows just minutes before 3:00 am.

Alex murmurs, blinking in the dull light. “ ‘m not tired.”

Maggie smiles and presses a kiss to Alex’s forehead. The agent leans into Maggie’s touch, sinking forward and wrapping her arms loosely around the detective’s neck. Maggie reciprocates until she has a gentle grip on Alex’s side, nudges her upward and leads her to bed.

As soon as her legs bump the frame, Alex leans forward, face pressing into the mattress, legs dangling over the side.

Maggie laughs softly and simultaneously tears brim in her eyes. This day almost had a very different ending, and she feels the weight of it seep through her cells, settle in her bones. It feels like she’s been hit, like her lungs aren’t working right.

Her exhales deflate and quiver.

The tremble is back.

“Maggie,” Alex says, turning onto her back at the sound of her girlfriend’s hitched breath. “Come ‘ere.” She extends a hand and Maggie falls into her touch, pulling Alex under the covers and against her chest.

“Sorry—“ Maggie’s breath catches and trips in her mouth. “I’m—“

“Shh, Maggie, no,” Alex says, sitting up and hugging Maggie towards her this time. “Let it out, it’s okay.”

Maggie nods, buries her face into the crook of Alex’s neck.

“I’m okay,” Alex promises. “I’m not going anywhere. You got there in time.”

Maggie nods and cries and exhales and kisses Alex’s face as many times as possible between her shaky breaths. When she calms, Alex smiles softly and sinks into Maggie’s touch.

They lay back down and Alex curls against Maggie—all warmth and strength and love.

Alex is asleep in minutes; Maggie refuses to even close her eyes.

/

A scream tears up and out her throat, burns through the rawness of her voice as she jolts upward, head knocking Maggie’s chin.

Alex kicks and kicks but she can’t get out. The blankets hold her down and press closer and closer.

The water is in her lungs, leaden. She sinks. She’s sinking. Away from hands that reach and the shrieks that carry the letters of her name. She’s submerged, sound is distorted. She hears screams and bubbles.

She can’t breathe.

She’s choking.

She’s reaching.

Infinite, infinite gallons of water.

Crash down, pour, fill her lungs.

Kara and Maggie’s form blink away. It’s dark. Her insides burn, scorch for oxygen.

She’s shaking, frigid to the depth of her core.

She’s thrashing and fighting, kicking and punching and yelling—a gurgled sound that protrudes from her choked throat like bile.

She convulses, feels the pressure augment and build.

Close in.

Burns.

She can’t get out.

She—

“Alex!”

_Shit._

She blinks, draws in a full breath, sputters and gasps.

She can breathe.

She blinks again.

Darkness.

“Alex, hey it’s okay. You’re okay.”

Voice. Maggie.

A light flicks on, floods the room.

Light, not water.

Blanket, not waves.

And _Maggie._

Maggie, not anyone or anything else.

Maggie, not harshness; not drowning; not slipping away.

“ _Maggie,”_ she breathes in a thready exhale.

Maggie cups Alex’s face, thumbs away the tears that burn down her cheeks.

“You’re okay, sweetheart,” Maggie whispers.

Alex hiccups, let’s her forehead fall against Maggie’s collarbone. “ ‘m hot. It’s too hot,” she murmurs and wiggles away, struggles to pull her sweater off, damp and soaked with sweat.

“Shh, I got you,” Maggie whispers. She puts a hand on Alex’s back, stills her movements and sooths her breathing. Gently, she eases the sweater over Alex’s head, leaving her in a tank top.

“Thank you,” Alex whispers back and Maggie helps Alex on top of the covers.

The agents sits, propped up for a second, chest heaving in the darkness as a shade of night is stripped from the early morning sky; the black turns a deep navy blue.

“Of course,” Maggie promises and situates herself beside Alex.

She eases herself down by Maggie a moment later, when her breath has eased and her tears have stilled and her eyes have adjusted to the dimness.

It’s a minute before the shivering starts and Alex twists on her side, looks at Maggie with wide eyes, shimmering with recent tears.

“Cold now?”

Alex nods and Maggie leans over the edge of the bed to grab a blanket from where she’d discarded it on the floor.

“No,” Alex whispers sharply as soon as Maggie changes positions.

Maggie drops the fabric and turns back against Alex.

“Just you,” Alex says, voice lined with choked sobs and panic. “ _Please,_ just you.”

Maggie pulls Alex against her, skin pressed flush, systems learning to synchronize again. Maggie’s heartbeat guides Alex’s, lures it slower and carefully until the agent’s eyes slip shut and she’s so close to Maggie she can feel each rise of breath, each vibration and quiver and ounce of warmth; can feel the love and safety and fierceness of her hold.

“Better?” Maggie whispers, nosing Alex’s hair and pressing a kiss to her head.

Alex murmurs, clutches the hands Maggie has wrapped around her. Alex is almost entirely gone to sleep again and her lips brush the detective’s arm as she speaks, but it doesn’t lessen the warmth and pounding of Maggie’s heart at Alex’s words. The agent snuggles into her girlfriend’s grip. “Always with you, Maggie.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M HALFWAY THROUGH EXAMS AND TOMORROW IS A BIG ONE BUT HERE I AM AGAIN
> 
> I received a few requests on ff.net for a Kara/Alex sister chapter, so there's some of that here and there will be more to come, since I'm extending this one shot into a multi-chapter fic. Also, we're starting with some Lena today, because I love her. So this chapter starts a little after Maggie and Alex would have left the DEO. Btw, I'm ignoring Mon-El right now since I don't know where he fits in this story.
> 
> Supercorp may or may not become a thing here, I'm not sure yet.
> 
> So, since this story just got longer, let me know if there's anything specific you want to see because I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this. :)

Lena tugs open the door to the small café, sees Kara sitting at a table in the corner. She has a notebook open in front of her and coffee sending tendrils of steam upward, but her gaze is unfocused, distant and staring past the window, toward something intangible out in the darkened sky.

Lena observes her another minute, tilts her head and bites her lip before walking over. Something clenches in her stomach as Kara’s words over the phone cycle through her head, when the blonde had called her again a few hours later asking if they could meet that night.

“Hey, Kara,” she says and the reporter startles, arm jerking from beneath her chin and crashing into her cup, drenching her notebook with coffee before rolling onto the floor.

Kara blinks, unmoving.

A clatter reverberates off the tile.

Kara snaps into action.

“Shit. Sorry, I’m sorry,” she says, chair screeching against the tile as she stands, tries to salvage what’s left of her notebook.

“No, it was my fault, I frightened you,” Lena says and she gathers napkins from the counter, passes them over to Kara.

The blonde takes them with a quiet ‘thanks,’ mops up the mess of liquid across the floor. As she stands from her crouch, she sees Lena bent over, wiping the remaining coffee from the table.

“Lena, you don’t have to. I—“

“It’s fine,” she says with a soft smile that falls as she takes in the reporter’s appearance, the micro-details of hitched breath and trembling, and the larger things of distant gazes and sentence fragments.

“Kara,” Lena says, presses her palm across Kara’s knuckles, “your hands are shaking.”

“I—“ she falters, drops her hands to the sides as a weighty heaving breath lurches from her lungs. She looks down and curls her fingers together, twisting them back and forth.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Lena turns around, throwing away the napkins and pushing in Kara’s chair. The CEO takes Kara’s hand, feels it continue to shake under the touch as she tucks Kara’s notebook under her free arm and leads the reporter out of the café.

The street is lit by dim lamps, sidewalk traffic slow and spotty.

Kara’s breath comes just a bit more easily.

“S-sorry I asked you to meet me so late, especially after we talked about meeting next week. I just… needed someone. I needed you, and I-”

“It’s all right,” she says, but Kara’s gaze is already lost again, eyes glossing over. Lena pulls Kara to the side, stops their walk.

“Kara,” she prods gently, moves a hand up to the blonde’s elbow. “What happened today?”

She blinks, squeezes her eyes closed, and when she opens them, she holds Lena’s gaze for the first time that day and Kara’s eyes are startlingly red rimmed and shiny around their piercing blue. “Alex almost died. She got kidnapped and she almost drowned and—I could not live without her, Lena. I couldn’t,” Kara whispers.

Lena’s heart sinks. “Kara, I’m so sorry.” She opens her arms and Kara crashes into her shoulder. “Whatever you need, if there’s anything I can do—if you need a friend or a hug or someone to talk with or just be with—I’m here for you.”

There aren’t any tears but Kara’s grip grows firmer around Lena as the reporter murmurs, presses against the fabric of Lena’s coat. “Thank you.”

She sniffles and continues. “I—Alex is everything to me. When I—when my parents died, she was the one who made me feel at home, _she_ is the reason I don’t crumble every single day. She has been the _only_ thing keeping me going so many times. And today, I almost wasn’t enough the one time she needed me.”

“Why aren’t you with her tonight?” Lena asks, her voice isn’t accusatory but soft and heavy with worry.

“She’s with Maggie and they need each other right now and I don’t want to get in the way, but I couldn’t be alone right now. I can’t—I don’t want to think, I don’t want to _feel,_ because it’ll all be too much.”

Lena smooths a hand over Kara’s hair, falling in loose blonde waves. The CEO leans back to seek out Kara’s gaze. “I could stay with you.”

“Really?” Kara asks, a sliver of hope shining out from behind the mistiness of her eyes.

“What are friends for?” Lena teases and Kara sends her the first smile Lena’s seen from the reporter all night.

They watch three movies and talk and eat pot stickers until one in the morning when they’re both warm and yawning. Kara feels better—Alex is safe and Alex has Maggie and if Maggie is what Alex needs to feel okay then Kara will give them all the time and space they need, even if it makes her heart clench and her stomach hurt to think of Alex away.

Lena leaves forty five minutes later, after Kara assures her that she’s okay and a verbal battle spans for five minutes as Kara tries to convince Lena to crash at her apartment instead of traipsing home in the dark. In the end Lena has to go, she has a meeting in the morning and Kara doesn’t want her to miss it.

So they hug and Kara thanks Lena and they smile and say goodbye.

Then Kara’s alone and asleep within ten minutes.

/

30 minutes.

That’s how long Alex makes it after the first nightmare.

30 minutes of twisting and murmuring softly, shifting positions and gripping Maggie’s hand.

30 minutes of thinking she’ll make it until sunrise.

30 minute to realize they’re missing someone.

A tingling sensation shoots across Maggie’s face as she blinks, sitting upward. Her nose stings, eyes pooling with involuntary tears at the shock of being hit. She blinks again.

Alex’s twists have turned to thrashing, her murmurs to whimpers and gasps and silent screams.

Her hand connects with Maggie’s face; she doesn’t even feel it this time.

She shakes Alex awake with gentle hands and soft words and the agent sits there hyperventilating and sobbing as she leans into Maggie’s touch.

“K-Kara,” she murmurs. “I need Kara.”

Maggie fumbles for her phone on the nightstand, keeps one hand holding Alex as she cries her sister’s name between sobs. “It’s okay, Al,” she whispers as the phone rings. “It’s okay.”

Kara gets the call at 4:43 in the morning. She’s there by 4:44, coming in through the window and toward the bedroom where a lamp illuminates the corner in soft gold as Maggie tries to console Alex.

Kara’s bare feet pad across the floor, pajama pants catching under her heel.

Alex looks up, over Maggie’s shoulder. Her eyes are wide and watery as she uncurls herself and slips from Maggie’s hold. “Kara,” she murmurs, falls forward into her sister’s open arms.

“Hey, sis,” Kara whispers into Alex’s hair as she hugs her close and presses a kiss against her head.

“You were gone, they… they t-took you first and you died and then they got me and I d-died, in my dream, and y-you weren’t there and I didn’t…” She pulls in a shaky breath, tears spill out onto Kara’s shoulder. “I didn’t get to s-say goodbye to you, Kara, I couldn’t see you. I couldn’t _find_ you.”

“I’m right here, ‘lex.” Kara rocks softly with Alex held against her, tries to channel the Alex she remembers helping her through hundreds of nightmares as a teenager. “And I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you, okay?”

Alex sniffles and tightens her grip around Kara’s shoulder. “I n-need you, too, Kara. I can’t do this without y-you.” She hiccups, diaphragm lurching and lungs heaving against her sister.

“Never,” Kara says, running a hand over Alex’s hair. “You’ll always have me. You’re gonna be okay. I promise.”

“I wish we didn’t separate t-tonight,” Alex murmurs, voice distorted by tears, muffled by the fabric of Kara’s pajamas.

“You needed Maggie, it’s okay,” Kara soothes.

“I need you, too. I need both of you.”

“And we’ll be here,” Kara says, kissing the top of Alex’s head. “You’re not alone in any of this.”

Alex nestles against Kara, holds a fistful of her pajama shirt and takes in the body heat. The oldest Danvers sister’s heartrate begins to slow.

Kara looks up and from the bed, Maggie gives Kara a soft smile and nod, and it’s evident how exhausted the detective is—eyes droopy, glistening with their own tears, hair mused and limbs heavy as she sinks back against a pillow propped against the headboard.

Kara knows in this moment that there are two people she needs to take care of.

Alex pulls in another breath, the kind that Kara knows means her tears are slowing down; the kind that’s heavy and leaden with exhaustion.

“You want to try to sleep again?” Kara whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind her sister’s ear.

Alex burrows closer. “I _can’t._ I’m scared, Kar.” Her voice and Kara’s heart both crack on the last words.

“That’s never stopped you before,” Kara says with a small smile as she pulls back and wipes tears from Alex’s cheeks.

“You’ll stay?”

Kara nods. “If you want me to.”

“I do,” Alex says, breathing normally again and pushing away the tear tracks herself this time. She turns around in Kara’s hold and steps away, looks back at the bed. “Maggie, you’re gonna stay, too, right?”

“Of course, babe,” she says, manages a smile across her lips and hopes the dark hides her tears, the tears that beg to flow every time she looks at Alex, sees images flash of her body limp and unmoving.

Alex nods, murmuring a ‘thank you’ as she crawls back into bed and snuggles into Maggie’s side, muttering for Kara to lay next to her.

As soon as Kara’s in arms’ reach, Alex tugs her closer, so the agent is sandwiched between her two favorite people in the world. In between them, the nightmare starts to disintegrate against the easing of her heartrate and the surrounding warmth, thawing the tangibility of those icy waters.

Her eyelids slip shut, lips murmuring nonsense as she gives into exhaustion.

“You should get some sleep,” Kara says to Maggie ten minutes later when Alex’s breathing has slowed, pulled her back into definite slumber.

“I keep seeing her in that water tank every time I close my eyes,” Maggie admits, never pulling her gaze from the woman nestled into her side.

Kara’s fingers pause their slow circles on Alex’s back. The blonde looks over. “Me too.”

“I can’t lose her, Kara. She’s the only one I have,” Maggie whispers, voice laced with tears.

Kara shakes her head. “You’re part of the family now, Maggie, you have all of us. But I—I know what it’s like to almost lose her. I know how it feels, but we’re going to protect her. Like we did today. The bad guys don’t get to win, not now, not ever; especially with you on our side. It’s clear how much you love her, and _that—_ that love—is what gives us the upper hand every single time. It’s what makes any of this life worthwhile.”

Maggie smiles and it changes the course of tears down her cheeks. “I love her so much it scares me sometimes.”

Kara nods. “It’s a strength, not a weakness. That’s what Alex always tells me.” She reaches out and gives Maggie’s hand a squeeze before the blonde wiggles back under the covers, begins rubbing Alex’s back again and Maggie yawns, closes her eyes.

Kara notices, finally lets her own eyes shut. “It’s going to be okay. You have each other.”

Maggie sniffles and murmurs fondly. “That’s not all,” she says, shifts her position and falls further away from consciousness. “We have you, too.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY EXAMS ARE DONE!
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me, and for all your kind words and support and suggestions. I'm starting to get some ideas for future chapters and you guys have been helping so much! I'm excited. So yeah, if you have any more ideas feel free to send them in and I'll do what I can.
> 
> Btw, there will be more Lena in the future, and J'onn will probably make some appearances. Also, Eliza is coming and I really kind of want her to meet Lena (thoughts?).
> 
> Thanks again and let me know your thoughts!

" 's too early."

"I know, go back to sleep, babe," Maggie murmurs, smoothing back her girlfriend's hair and kissing her forehead. It's six in the morning and on roughly two hours of fragmented sleep, Maggie's vision is blurry, but even then Alex is the most beautiful person she has ever seen.

"Where 're you goin'?" Alex mumbles and reaches out, eyes still closed as early morning light seeps through the blinds.

Maggie captures Alex hand in hers and gives it a soft squeeze before letting go as Alex turns into her pillow, nose nestling Kara's shoulder, seeking out warmth now that Maggie has slipped out of bed. "I'm just getting up for a bit."

"You okay?" Alex mutters, begins rousing further out of sleep as her eyes peek open.

"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry," Maggie whispers, puts a hand on the other woman's shoulder and Alex's body relaxes, sinking back into the sheets as her eyelids give a long blink before settling closed again.

"There you go, get some more rest."

" 'kay," she slurs, turning onto her stomach and tangling her hands in her sister's hair. "Love you."

"I love you, too, Al," Maggie says, smiling fondly at the scene in front of her. She lingers for a moment, takes a step back toward the bed before the knot in her stomach makes her stop and turn around to the door. Her chest feels tight and she can't just lay still any longer as the tightness chokes up her throat, twists so it feels like she can't breathe.

She always gets like this after bad things happen.

She changes in the bathroom without turning on the lights and slips out the door. She needs to go the NCPD gym, needs to hit stuff to get those grasps around her lungs to loosen.

So she does.

She lets her fists collide with vinyl as the sun burns its way up the sky, goes again and again, clash after clash until her knuckles are red and raw and her breaths are quick and heavy. Until she stops for water and sinks against the wall instead, slides until she's sitting with her knees pulled up toward her and a sob chokes out and echoes in the empty room. She counts to fifteen and shoves her tears away, pushing herself off the ground when she reaches the final number.

It's time to go home.

(Home. Her heart thunders and swells at the thought.)

/

The door to the apartment slips closed behind her and she locks it carefully. She peeks into the bedroom, sees Alex and Kara asleep.

So Maggie shuffles into the bathroom and showers and when she's dried off and dressed again, Alex and Kara are still asleep—cuddled together and looking years younger than they actually are.

So Maggie tugs the blinds closed as best she can, fixes the blanket back over the Danvers sisters and slips into the kitchen.

She makes pancakes. A lot. Enough that Maggie thinks even Kara won't get through the whole stack.

And sunlight pours through the window in full force when Alex cracks an eye open to see Kara staring back at her, creases from the sheets pressed into her skin, blue eyes wide and serious through the half lidded gaze.

"Kara, what're you doing?" she murmurs. Kara's watching her with that look she'd get when she first came to earth and would crawl into Alex's bed at night. The blonde shrugs.

"Just looking at you," she says softly. She's committing Alex to memory, she wants to remember every feature and cling to them when Alex isn't near her. She wants to make sure she never forgets anything about her sister. She needs to verify that Alex is safe and here beside her. She needs something to ground her, and Alex has always been that something since Kara came to Earth.

"You're weird," Alex says with a sleepy smile and Kara laughs, and with the way Alex tugs Kara into a warm hug, the blonde knows her sister sees through her vague answer.

"I think Maggie's up," Kara says. "I hear someone in the kitchen, and I smell pancakes."

Alex grins. "You stayed in bed, even when there was food available… wow Kara, I think you need an extra hug."

She pulls Kara into another embrace, squeezes her even tighter this time, holds on for a beat longer and in the distance of her blurry vision she sees Maggie in the kitchen. Kara flourishes under the touch, feels it dispel some of the tightness in her stomach.

"Thank you for coming over last night," Alex whispers.

"Of course, Alex. You know that I'm always here for you no matter what."

"We're going to talk later, okay? There are some things I want to talk to you about," Alex says as she hugs her sister. Kara nods, her chin bobbing against Alex's shoulder.

"Me too," Kara says, swallows the tears threatening to rise up. She keeps Alex close for a little longer, relishes in Alex's fluttering breath, in the way her heartbeat thunders in Kara's ears—strong and steady and present. She's okay, she's alive it tells Kara over and over again. Kara thinks it will be awhile before she stops keeping an ever-present search out for Alex's heartbeat, before she's okay without hearing it as the backdrop to all her thoughts.

"Come on," Alex says after a moment, nudges Kara up and out of bed. "Let's go see Maggie."

The detective turns around as they make their way into the kitchen and a smile works its way across her face. "Morning, Danvers." She tilts her head toward Kara. "Little Danvers."

"Morning," Alex says, pulling Maggie away from the stove where she's flipping another pancake onto the stack and pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.

As they gather around the table it's almost normal. It's typical enough that they can pretend that twenty four hours ago Alex hadn't been in a water tank, they can pretend that Alex's jacket doesn't hang across the couch where she'd tossed it that night—where it remains unmoved. They can ignore the fragility of words chosen and the way Kara pushes food around her plate but doesn't actually take more than three bites. They can brush over Alex's flinch when the sink turns on and water splashes against metal.

They can keep the conversation going about the cold front that's impending on National City, the rain that's expected to come that evening. They can talk about Eliza coming to visit in a few hours, deliberate who will pick her up when they get the text that she got a flight over. They can avoid talking about why she's coming.

But they're just pretending, and that can only last for so long.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for sticking with this story! I'm going away for 4.5 weeks without my laptop and with spotty wifi, so updates will stop for a while, but I'll be back as soon as possible. :)
> 
> Let me know your thoughts on this chapter and if there's anything you want me to try to incorporate in future chapters!!

 “Where do you want to go?” Alex asks, looking over from the driver’s side of the car.

Kara shrugs, sends a glance back up at the apartment where Maggie stays behind to finish some paperwork for the NCPD and offers to tidy up, knows Alex needs time to talk with Kara. The blonde looks back. “I don’t care,” she says, eyes skimming Alex’s hands on the steering wheel, where they’re steady and strong. Kara looks down at her own fingers quivering, like they have been since a timer was put on Alex’s life and she was taken. The blonde spares one last glance at Alex’s hands, unwavering as they turn the car out into the street. Kara tucks her own beneath her legs, so the pressure hides and stills their shaking.

“—Kara?”

“Noonan’s.” The blonde snaps her head back up, blinking. “Let’s go to Noonan’s, if you’re okay with that.”

Alex nods. “Good with me.”

Kara slumps back into her seat, counts the number of stoplights they pass as the static radio hums and neither does anything to change it. Kara wiggles her toes in her shoes, bites her cheek. She’d wanted to talk to Alex, had a list of things she wanted to say and hear, but the conversation presses like a weight on her chest, like hands that choke around her neck.

She wants to get out, wants to keep the feelings deep and buried, under layers and layers of forced smiles and hugs she hands out and the sunny demeanor people accept more easily than the broken, sloshing waters of fear and pain that reside inside her every time she looks at Alex and gets images flashing of her drowning.

“So, I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing,” Alex says over a cup of coffee once they’ve been seated for a few minutes.

Kara pulls a small smile across her lips, it hurts her cheeks, hurts her heart, but it feels like the right thing to do, so she leaves it there. “I’m okay, Alex. I really should be the one asking you that.”

Alex shrugs. “I’ll be fine, you know that. It’ll take some time, but we just keep pushing forward, right? It always turns out okay.”

Kara nods but her chest constricts. “Right,” she chokes out, hides it behind the rim of her mug. There are things that trap her, things that cling tight in feelings of heaviness and suffocation and racing hearts that she can’t shake. Things that follow even when she pushes forward.

“There were somethings I wanted to tell you, Kara, somethings I didn’t get to say when… God, was that just yesterday?”

Kara nods again, swallows a lump in her throat.

“Well, I want to say them now, just in case anything ever happens and I don’t get the chance.”

Another nod, another pressure weighing inside her, because this love Kara has for her sister… it _hurts._ It feels like lingering loss and potential goodbyes and missing, missing, missing someone she can’t live without.

“I love you so much, Kara, and teaching you about this planet has been an honor; and even though I’ve been on it longer, you’ve taught me more about Earth every day. I want to keep learning about this place forever, with you. Always with you, Kara, okay? Because we’re always going to be sisters.” Alex rubs her finger around the rim of her cup and Kara spares a glance up at her sister. Alex’s face is so sincere, eyes bright and lips in a sad smile. Tears blur blue eyes and Kara averts her gaze, blinks them away.

“I want you to know, Kar, that you _are_ strong enough to live without me. That nothing on this planet can break you. Not completely.”

Kara spares a glance down at her coffee, looks across the booth toward the bar, out the window, across the street.

Kara cannot look at Alex. Cannot look at her, or she will burst into tears that will never cease.

Kara shakes her head though, because Alex’s words are a lie. Kara knows there are thousands of things on this planet that could tear her to shreds and leave her breathless, feels them every day, pounding and cracking and dragging her down.

“ _But,”_ Alex continues, reaches out to brush her thumb over the back of Kara’s hand where it curls around the mug so tightly a little spider web crack breaks across the ceramic. “More than that, I want you to know that it’s okay to fall apart and it’s okay to make mistakes and it’s okay to feel broken, to feel like you can’t breathe.”

Kara’s heart thunders, she wants to look up at her sister so badly. But if she does… if she does, then Alex will see. Alex will see how much this has twisted and rattled Kara and then Alex will worry, and she doesn’t need that. She doesn’t need to worry about her little sister right now, not with everything else going on.

“You just have to trust that it will get better, and Kara? You have to know that you’ve made my life _so_ much better, that you are the reason I’m strong, the reason I do things that are brave. It’s ‘cause I have your voice in my head and I always have your name beating in my heart. I—“ A full glass of water slips from the hands of a passing waiter, shatters on the floor. Water splashes, soaks through Alex’s shoes and drenches her feet.

She stiffens, hands tightening around the edge of the table as she tries to breathe; blinks long and hard, sucks in a shaking breath as her lungs turn into traitors, leaping inside her.

Kara’s head shoots up, her own threatening tears disappearing at the sound of Alex’s heartrate rising and rising. “Hey, ‘lex, you’re okay,” Kara sooths, she shakes off the waiter’s apologies and drops a generous amount of bills.

Kara grabs Alex’s hands across the table, prying them from the sealed wood and climbs out of the booth, keeping their fingers linked the whole time. It’s ungraceful and slippery, shoes sloshing, as she maneuvers Alex away from the table, crushes her into a side hug as soon as they’re away from the noise of the lunch crowd.

“I’m okay,” Alex murmurs, lets out in a watery tremble of breath.

“I know,” Kara whispers into her hair, nose pressing the top of her head. “You’re fine.”

“I just… I just got—“

“Scared,” Kara finishes as they step outside. “You just got scared, it’s okay.” Alex nods, turns to bury her head in Kara’s neck, stays there absorbing the warmth of sunlight and her sister, until the agent’s lungs settle and her head stops pounding and her hands only tremble a little. 

“I’m good,” she says when she pulls away and takes a deep breath, shakes out her hands and smiles at Kara. “I’m good. There’s still more I wanted to say to you. I-”

The blonde shakes her head, squeezes Alex once more. “Later. Let’s go back and see what that girlfriend of yours is doing.”

Alex nods, gives another little smile. “Okay.”

/

“Maggie?” Alex calls as she steps into the apartment and looks into the kitchen, turns toward Kara. “Where is she?”

Kara wrinkles her brows, steps farther into the living room. A sudden laugh bubbles from her lips. “Found her.” She tilts her head toward the couch where the detective has crashed to _Friends_ reruns in the middle of the day.

“Oh my god, she’s totally passed out,” Alex says, head tilting in affection, a small pout forming across her lips.

“How’s she even sleeping like that?” Kara laughs, looks at the twisted form. One leg’s tucked beneath Maggie, the other pulled up toward her stomach as she leans into the couch burying her face into the cushion. “She’s so small!”

Alex finds her own laughter emerging. “Yeah, she’s pretty tiny.”

Maggie stirs, without lifting her head or opening her eyes she murmurs. “Shut up, Danvers.”

Alex laughs again. “Small but mighty.”

Maggie nods, nose bobbing and brushing against her knee. Alex is okay, Alex is glowing; it settles Kara’s heart.

“Mhhmm,” the detective hums.

“And a little aggressive,” Alex teases. Maggie reaches out blindly, grabs a pillow and flings it at Alex, knocking the agent in the face.

“You’re only proving my point, babe.” Alex grins and plops down beside her girlfriend, brushing through her hair with gentle fingers. “Want to go to bed? I know you barely slept at all last night.”

Maggie shakes her head and extends an arm out, waving it in front of both Danvers. “Stay with me, both of you.”

So they do, they settle down with Maggie in the middle, curled tightly in a ball between them with her head on Alex’s shoulder. Kara promises herself that this is okay, that this is enough to chase away the racing heart and blurring tears inside her. _It’s okay, it’s okay._

The three of them are asleep before the episode ends, squished together with steady breath under Alex’s softest blanket.

It’s two hours later when Kara stirs, turns toward a knock at the door. She squints, tilts her head and looks back toward Maggie and Alex where they sit up, yawning and rubbing their eyes with lose fits.

“It’s Eliza,” Kara announces and Alex nods.

“I’ll get it,” the brunette says, untangles herself from Maggie and the heavy blanket.

She opens the door and immediately Eliza pulls her into a hug and Alex swears she feels tears drip against her shoulder. “Alex, I’m so glad you’re okay,” Eliza says, squeezes her daughter closer.

Alex relaxes into the touch, she wasn’t expecting this, but it’s nice.

It feels okay. It feels normal.

Like the way things are supposed to be.

They’re not, and she knows it; but maybe right now—just for a minute longer—she can pretend.

Eliza’s here, so Alex pretends she’s okay and Maggie pretends she’s sleeping fine and Kara pretends that she’s not shaking on the inside.

They’re all getting really good at ignoring when the facades will inevitably give in and shatter.

It’s only been a day, but they’re already really good at pretending.


End file.
